‘Inconvenient and fun’
Today is day one of our new project. Of course it is not really day one. We have been making preparations. But we will call today day one. And what we are trying to do here, we will call it ‘Inconvenient and fun’. Tanoshi-ge Fuben.
For 6 years we lived in Lewes in East Sussex. We moved to Lewes after I lost my job in Surrey. I think I lost my job essentially because I was pretending and presenting as though I could do things that I can’t do. That or I wasn’t pretending enough. The producer there told me, ‘fake it til you make it.’
I have always made things and lost myself in making things. It’s what I do naturally and love to do, and I remember telling Naoko I was so happy every day to wake up and go to work and get to make things. But I was and am at an age and stage in my career where it is assumed that I should take a more senior role, which means handling colleagues and managing schedules and taking more management responsibilities. And the truth is that when given even two things to do simultaneously, I can’t do either. So things started to unravel for me in fairly short order. I told our producer I am not good at juggling balls and if I have to I start to drop them, and she said ‘Howard, you have literally three things to do.’ So I tried, but everyday I walked to work with a knot in my stomach. And that is not a good situation. So when I was asked to review my position I told how I felt, and I was let go, . Honestly I was hugely relieved.